Getting loads of hits on your WordPress blog

It’s easy! I’ve been looking at my wonderful stats page to see my search engine referrals. All I need to do is start focusing on the topics people search for more often. For ease of reference, I’ve categorised the search terms people have used to find this blog under simple headings. Not only that, I’ve done a pictorial representation of each! Score!

1. Write about cool stuff – people want to see cool stuff!

  • cool stuff (yes, people literally search for this)
  • tiny water bears in space (genuinely cool)
  • chemistry and sharks (… oh my!)
  • high quality video of rose blooming in slow motion (err, blooming in slow motion? That would be very slow!)

This is a very fast shutterspeed of a mandarin falling into water. Cool stuff? You decide!

2. Write about animals and nature

  • my lorikeets throws tantrums (perhaps you shouldn’t spoil them)
  • pictures of squirrels reading (I, for one, welcome our new overlords)
  • bull shark found in brisbane floods (sharks again)
  • magical creepy forest pathways for wallpapers

OK, so it's not a bull shark, and it's not a creepy forest path. I tried!

3. Include statistics where possible

  • 1 kilo of escherichia coli hoax (errrr, wait, I actually wrote about that)
  • gold coast carbon dioxide about half an inch
  • one kilometre of atmosphere (hmmm, that too)

The number of times each letter of the alphabet appears on the London Tube Map, courtesy of the guru, Kostas.

4. Make suggestive references.

  • boffins in the buff
  • what does “unzip my swag” mean
  • show us ya hilux

A big, hot, dirty Hilux.

 

5. Answer burning questions. About anything.

  • how to travel the world unnoticed? (@Julian Assange)
  • who said, “i stand on the holders of…”? (shhhh… oulders)
  • what are water bears made of (this is not as dumb as it sounds)
  • what is savage craic (that can only be answered with experience)
  • what newton got right
  • how far (that far)

If it says Craic on it, it's probably not savage craic.

6. Errr, just throw random phrases together and hope for the best

  • ice cream on the water (waffles in the sky)
  • the scientist with the same belief of perfume (buh?)
  • bald guy on boogie board
  • david smack talks goliath (in the WWE Bible)
  • your mother gave birth to you and can you prove she is your mother and most disturbingly way to make a woman your mother (probably because of this)

I typed a random number, 6644, into my search box and this photo came up. Sundale Bridge randomness, Gold Coast, Australia.

There you have it: a silly and untrustworthy definitive guide to Search Optimisation on WordPress. Remember: with great power comes great responsibility. Water Shark Bears do not yet exist, and woe be the woman or man brave enough to invent them!

Oh, and the last best way to get hits? Bribe people to share your posts. If you tweet, reddit or facebook this, you’ll get lollies!

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Categories: photos, Thoughts | Tags: , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Getting loads of hits on your WordPress blog

  1. Funny! You forgot about SPIDERS though . . .

    Besides spiders, the most popular searches on my blog include: the earth’s axis shift, evil rat(s) and “snow in Africa”.

  2. Brilliant post – :)
    My most common hits are recycling, civet and baobab (how boring is that?)
    Although …… I have a hit a day for 6oa6a6 which I couldn’t figure out till I saw how it looks just like baobab – just makes me wonder who teaches these kids to type?

  3. Chris

    Sqirrels still get my vote.

  4. The phrases bringing people to my blog are nuts!

    Of course, the most enduringly popular one includes the headline “porn” which I used ironically to describe a mainstream film…

    I was amused to see one that read “pedro lopez topeka” who is my sweetie’s grandfather who moved from Mexico to Kansas to open up a chile powder company. Random!

  5. I want lollies

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