It’s easy! I’ve been looking at my wonderful stats page to see my search engine referrals. All I need to do is start focusing on the topics people search for more often. For ease of reference, I’ve categorised the search terms people have used to find this blog under simple headings. Not only that, I’ve done a pictorial representation of each! Score!
1. Write about cool stuff – people want to see cool stuff!
- cool stuff (yes, people literally search for this)
- tiny water bears in space (genuinely cool)
- chemistry and sharks (… oh my!)
- high quality video of rose blooming in slow motion (err, blooming in slow motion? That would be very slow!)
2. Write about animals and nature
- my lorikeets throws tantrums (perhaps you shouldn’t spoil them)
- pictures of squirrels reading (I, for one, welcome our new overlords)
- bull shark found in brisbane floods (sharks again)
- magical creepy forest pathways for wallpapers
3. Include statistics where possible
- 1 kilo of escherichia coli hoax (errrr, wait, I actually wrote about that)
- gold coast carbon dioxide about half an inch
- one kilometre of atmosphere (hmmm, that too)
4. Make suggestive references.
- boffins in the buff
- what does “unzip my swag” mean
- show us ya hilux
5. Answer burning questions. About anything.
- how to travel the world unnoticed? (@Julian Assange)
- who said, “i stand on the holders of…”? (shhhh… oulders)
- what are water bears made of (this is not as dumb as it sounds)
- what is savage craic (that can only be answered with experience)
- what newton got right
- how far (that far)
6. Errr, just throw random phrases together and hope for the best
- ice cream on the water (waffles in the sky)
- the scientist with the same belief of perfume (buh?)
- bald guy on boogie board
- david smack talks goliath (in the WWE Bible)
- your mother gave birth to you and can you prove she is your mother and most disturbingly way to make a woman your mother (probably because of this)
There you have it: a
silly and untrustworthy definitive guide to Search Optimisation on WordPress. Remember: with great power comes great responsibility. Water Shark Bears do not yet exist, and woe be the woman or man brave enough to invent them!
Oh, and the last best way to get hits? Bribe people to share your posts. If you tweet, reddit or facebook this, you’ll get lollies!